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post #38
bio: jen

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that week

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Mercury is Soooo In Retrograde

According to my horoscope, Mercury is going into retrograde from November 30th through December 20th. However, this retrograding can start as early as the new moon on November 12th. Mercury in Retrograde affects commerce and communication. Basically life becomes annoying and you can never find the size you want. . .just in time for the holidays.

Astrology is a shallow entertainment to me. Usually my horoscope goes in one ear and out the other. I read my horoscope and then forget it two minutes later. If I do remember it telling me I'll have a fabulous day, the day usually ends up sucking. Maybe it's my independent Aries nature, but I don't put too much stock in star signs, rising signs, etc. However, I can do small talk on the topic of astrology for about ten minutes, then I'm out of material.

But getting back to Mercury, the whole Mercury thingie was on my mind last night when in the course of eight minutes, I was almost plowed by a Mercedes SUV and then almost run over by a BMW. Fortunately, I was on my way to one of my favorite bars in LA.

When I arrived at the bar, my brilliant bartender asked me if I wanted Bass. I told him I was almost run over by a BMW and need a gin and tonic and want to order food (they have a great chef's salad). Next thing I know, not only is my brilliant bartender taking care of me, but his partner behind the bar is taking my food order and my money. Okay, that's great service.

I noticed an empty stool near me.

"Is anyone sitting here?" I asked. A couple on one side mumbled no but a brunette girl on the other had to speak up.

"Actually my friend is coming," she said.

I looked the girl over. Late twenties, pink purse, no drink in front of her. Uh-huh. I appealed to her humanity.

"But I almost got run over by a BMW." I said.

"Were you jaywalking?" she asked.

Okay, Miss Thing has no humanity.

"No, I was on the sidewalk."

"Well, Welcome to LA." She said. Bitch.

Welcome to LA. I hate that phrase. It's a bad cliché used when the speaker wants to sound all tough and urban but it just comes off as dumb ass. People in New York don't say ‘Welcome to New York'. They just give you that long hard look like you're full of shit.

I gave the Pink Purse a long hard look. I couldn't deal. I was so outta there.

"I'll be over there." I told my brilliant bartender, so they could find me when my chef salad came up.

As I walked away, I noticed that Pink Purse was trying to summon Brilliant Bartender. Maybe she finally realized that what you do at a bar is drink. Welcome to reality. She had gotten there before me, yet I walked in and was sorted out in under a minute. Hah! Great service trumps saved seat any day.

I sipped my gin and gin and gin and tonic (in a pint glass, joy!). Maybe Brilliant Bartender trumps Mercury in Retrograde. Maybe I should just keep drinking until Mercury comes out of retrograde. Heck! Maybe I should just drink until 2005.

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