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post #144
bio: jen
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1/27/2006
17:28

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Quiz Answers and Other Culturally (In) Significant Bits of Stuff

First, the trivial:

1. Leigh Brackett did not write (E) Moby Dick.

2. TK 421 is the (C) Stormtrooper not at his post. Thanks for poem, Mina, it totally rocked (totally).

3. The first line of dialogue is (C) We've intercepted no transmissions.

4. Han Solo never calls Princess Leia (D) Miss

5. Princess Leia wears two different costumes in Star Wars: A New Hope.

6. Red Five (aka Luke) is the only one of the four to survive Death Star I.

7. Bantha Tracks (remember Bantha Tracks?) was the official newsletter of the official Star Wars fan club.

8. Han and Leia lock lips three times in Empire.

9. The shitty things:

A. Temporarily Blinded – Han Solo and C3PO
B. Mind Probed – Princess Leia
C. Choked by Chewbacca – Lando
D. Shot in the shoulder – Princess Leia
E. Thrown down an airshaft – The Emperor
F. Lost Hand in light saber duel – Luke and Darth Vader
G. Swallowed by a Dagobah swamp creature – R2-D2
H. Blown up on the back of an X-wing – R2-D2
I. Tortured by Darth Vader – Han Solo
J. Thrown out of the Cantina – R2-D2, C3PO
K. Pushed around by a Gamorrean Guard – Han, Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, C3PO
L. Captured by Ewoks – Han, Luke, Chewbacca, R2-D2
M. Attacked by a Wompat – Luke
N. Sensed a great disturbance in the force – Obi Wan, Darth Vader, the Emperor
O. Had a bad feeling about something – Luke, Han, Leia, C3PO

10. The actors:

Wedge - Denis Lawson
Biggs - Garick Hagon
Aunt Beru - Shelagh Fraser
Uncle Owen - Phil Brown
Admiral Piett - Kenneth Colley
Boba Fett - Jeremy Bulloch
Bib Fortuna - Michael Carter
Oola - Femi Taylor
Mon Motha - Caroline Blakiston
Anakin Skywalker - Sebastian Shaw

Moving on to other culturally significant bits of stuff:

Phil M. Wannamaker, movie critic for the Sunshine Jen column, announced on Wednesday that he did NOT think the fight scene between Kong and T-Rexes was too long in the Peter Jackson film. According to Phil, ‘Kong had to fight three T-rexes, so it's gotta take awhile.' Neither King Kong nor the T-Rexes could be reached for comment.

On Thursday, Happy Happy Books, the publishing wing of Sunshine Jen, announced that the paperback edition of Tim Jackyll's best selling memoir, My Torn Fingernail, a life told in Haiku, will contain a forward from the author stating that some of the nails in the book are indeed fake. However, Mr. Jackyll hopes the reader will still be inspired by his humble tale of life, love, redemption, and band-aids.

Happy Happy Books is also pleased to announce that its next publication will be an anthology of love poems dedicated to over hyped pop stars. Its tentative title is Bras and Panties: Post Modern Love Poetry. The anthology's editor, Edith Wellsit, spent months surfing through fan websites to find some remarkable gems.

One such gem is:

You are so cool
You are so cool
You make me drool
You are so cool.

Note the use of repetition to show the writer's obsessive feelings toward the subject.

Meanwhile, A.S. Honeycutterfield, the oppressed television critic for Sunshine Jen is wondering if House will ever come back to Tuesday night on FOX or will he be left to wallow in the murky swampy hell known simply as Idol. However, A.S. tends to get a little melodramatic sometimes. On Wednesday night, he could be heard shouting ‘Ohhhh! So unfair! Oh the injustice of it all!' when Zulema stole Nick's model on Project Runway.

Finally, Daphne, Cherie, and Teenie, the official Sunshine Jen strip and exotic dance team, wish to send out a Ha-a-appy Birrrrrthday to Biff, the best boyfriend ever. Should other best boyfriend evers wish to enlist the services of Daphne, Cherie, and Teenie (they only work as a team), they can contacted via this column.


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