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post #157
bio: jen
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3/3/2006
14:26

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Dear Penguins


Dear Penguins,

I realize you are very busy right now with the Academy Awards happening and your film up for best documentary. I just wanted to give you a few fashion tips for your waddle down the red carpet.

Since you naturally are in black and white with a hint of orange gold, I would recommend staying with that look. Black and white is very hot this year, so you will blend in nicely with the monochromatically draped starlets.

Since you are penguins, I would recommend staying away from color and prints. There is a good chance that print fabrics would clash with your feathers. Besides, have you ever seen a penguin in plaid? My eyes were burning for weeks.

Since you are short and stocky, I would recommend fabrics and lines that give you height. Stay away from the Empire waist. Yes, I know you are emperor penguins, but just because it is your name doesn't mean it looks good. Hillary Duff doesn't wear fluff.

Now, I know you're feeling the pressure of an entire continent since you are the first species from Antarctica to be nominated for an Academy Award. Just shake it off. You'll do fine.

Don't let the wheelchair rugby players, crooked Enron executives, predatory Nile perch, or Newark New Jersey mayoral candidates intimidate you. You're penguins! Walk your penguin line. You are winners on any continent. Just work those penguin hips and walk with style.

Sincerely,


Vita Demita
Fashion Editor
Sunshine Jen


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