I have a new source of rage, annoyance, and anger. Leafblowers! I hate leafblowers! I hate them. Just thinking about them right now makes me shake like a boiling pot about to explode.
Leafblowers! Those gas guzzling pieces of shit that blow leaves. Why do you need to blow leaves off your lawn? Isn't that what a rake is for? A rake has worked for centuries.
But no. We have the technology to create a machine that blows leaves with that noisemaking RRRRRRRRRRRRR. Well, leafblower user, I hope you enjoy melting the polar ice caps with your fumes. You might think you're all macho with this big machine strapped to your back and your Freudian leafblowing tube. You're not. You're just making a lot of noise and a lot of hot air.
In the midst of my leafblowing rage, I googled and found I was not the only one with leafblower rage. Both ‘I hate leafblowers' and ‘I hate leaf blowers' bring you lots of pages. Yes, there are millions more out there just like me. I am not alone, and that made me feel better.
Then, I remembered a story my Dad had told me. He had a house in Cleveland for many years. He watched the neighborhood change and the yuppies (his word) move in. One such yuppie moved in across the street a few years before he retired. This yuppie used his leafblower compulsively. At the first sign of leaves, he had his leafblower out there full throttle. The noise bothered my Dad and drove him to action. When the yuppie was away, he went over to the yuppie's yard and put the leaves back on the leafless lawn. When I told my Dad that this would only inspire the yuppie to use his leafblower more, my Dad sighed and said:
‘It wouldn't make any difference. He's going to use that piece of shit anyway. But I feel better.'
That sorta makes sense to me. Maybe leafblower rage is genetic.