Due to the extremely hot weather, we have decided to take the rest of the summer off. Many of us have already finished our season and feel we can do no more for the great game of baseball. Rather than play at an extremely mediocre level, we have decided to throw in our sweat drenched towels and head to the beach.
This might anger some, and for that, we are terribly sorry. Dodger Stadium will remain open for the rest of the schedule so you can stock up on Dodger Dogs, Garlic Fries, and overpriced flat beer.
Please understand that this is for the best. Yes, we know we look good on paper. We know we should be on top of the west over the lame ass Padres and too old Giants. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Sometimes, it's hard to even play .500.
Yes, we know we are being bad role models for the kids. Yes, we know in this cynical era, the kids have few role models and true heroes to look up to. We feel bad about that, really really bad.
Now is not the time to assign blame or make sweeping statements or rash judgments. All we can do is promise we will do better next year and show yet another documentary about the Kurt Gibson home run.