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post #226
bio: jen
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2/20/2007
15:56

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Women With Children

This is a rant. . .

Why do women with children talk with a voice pitched so high that it not only shatters glass, it reconstitutes all the molecules of said glass to create a new substance capable of causing massive destruction? Why? Is it because they are in a coffee shop? What happened to these women? They are not just strong and assertive. They are aggressive and borderline scary. How did they become so monstrous?

Not only are such motherly voices incredibly high, they are super amplified loud. Rock concerts are like chamber music compared to the super mother voice. When I was a child, we learned about indoor voices---about adjusting the volume of our words to match our surroundings. There was no need to shout. What are the indoor voices for the next generation?

Do these women need to announce that they are not just mothers, they are super mothers? SEEEE! I REPRODUCED AND THIS IS MY SUPER OFFSPRING.

LOOK HOW CREATIVE HE IS. HE CAN OPEN ALL THE SPLENDA PACKS.

CONNOR, DON'T POUR THOSE ON THE FLOOR. NO CONNOR, DON'T POUR THOSE ON THE FLOOR. CONNOR, PUT THE SPLENDA DOWN! CONNOR, NO, DON'T POUR IT ON THE NICE LADY'S JIMMY CHOOS. SORRY. CONNOR, COME OVER HERE. OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.

And what's up with bringing kids to coffee shops? Coffee is an adult beverage. Sure, it's not a controlled adult beverage, but it is still an adult beverage. I hated coffee as child, and my mom told me it was an acquired taste which I translated as I'll get it when I'm older.

Yes, I rationally understand that child raising is not just a job, it's an adventure, and you never know what the little creative beings will come up with next. You might also have the next little president or supreme court justice or nobel peace prize winner on your hands.

Still, I don't care about any of that. I just want to drink my coffee among indoor voices. No, you're child isn't bothering me, ma'am, but you are.


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