I’ve been watching the Olympics. I think I’ve been watching the Olympics too much even though I enjoy the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I’ve even watched some of the Equestrian events.
I do love the stories and the little dramas that play out like the 41 year old swimmer Dara Torres and Constantina Tomescu Dita, the 38 year old marathon runner from Romania and Usain Bolt (who just won 200m---Insane? No, Usain.). I enjoyed watching the American men’s swim relay team win in world record time then embrace in all their speedo-wearing-topless-athletic nakedness. And how about the Irish boxers? That’s for the Dublin readership. Hopefully you guys are not completely under water.
So the Olympics are happening. When are they going to be over? I’m starting to hear the announcers in my head.
I don’t think this is a major problem, and I’m sure I will stop hearing the announcers once I stop watching the Olympics. Still, they pop up in the strangest places.
For example, this is what I was thinking this morning in the elevator going up to the office:
Now, getting into the elevator, representing the United States, Sunshine Jen. . . .Jen is starting in the elevator on the lowest possible parking level, P4. Will she be able to make it up to the second floor? And the elevator stops at P3! And P2! And P1! And the first floor! Every single floor between her car and her office. I’ve never seen this before in all my years of broadcasting. What a devastating turn for Sunshine Jen!
I first noticed the announcers in the gym yesterday. It’s like my gym brain has gone from first person to third person. Instead of hearing myself psyche me up, I heard the announcers:
Sunshine Jen is going to be benching the 35s. You can see her focus. She has never done more than eight reps with the 35s. She’s going into it now. Look how relaxed she is. Calm and controlled. Ooops, a little wobbly on rep 6, but she powers back for rep 7. She’s holding rep 8 up. Can she do ten? She brings it down, then up. That’s nine. One more and she’s at ten. She’s looking a little tired, but she’s bringing them down. And they’re down on the floor. Sunshine Jen has done 9 reps.
I started thinking about how annoying it would be if we actually had sports announcers in our lives 24/7. For example, when you get out of bed in the morning. . . .
Now, slamming down his snooze button, for the United States. . .
Or when you’re eating. . .
Two more bites, she’ll have this. It looks like she’s going to finish. She’s ahead of the pack.
Walking the dog. . . .
And he’s squatting. He looks like he’s going to poop. Yes! And his owner is ready with the biodegradable plastic bag. What a great performance by the border collie from California!
And finally, what if the sports announcers were in the bedroom (yes, I had to go there):
Coach Kinsey said they really have been working on raising their difficulty level and inserting some new elements into their routine. A log roll into a double somersault with a twist insertion. Nice! We can talk so much about the sheer athleticism these two have and how they complement each other so well. Ten second bell. Just the jerk and dismount. Ahhhhh! And they did it! That was definitely a winning routine. Look at the relief on their faces. They should get high execution marks. They will definitely be on the medal podium.