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post #46
bio: tim
perma-link
12/23/2003
10:12

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'I've Got Something Brand New (for that ass)'
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Mama Sang Tenor
Not Even Close to Being on Topic
To gather or collect swiftly and unceremoniously; grab

Christmas Summons


Dear Santa,


It has come to the attention of this office that you have not filed income tax information for the tax years 1921 to 2002. Being Christian and God-fearing folk, we understand the important role you play in the world and especially to the children. At least to the ones who live in countries that allow you to exist. That said, we still have a job to do. That job is seeking out the malcontents of the world and putting them in jail for not paying the US government its due taxes. By the way, thank you for the sled, it really made me happy as a young lad. Still though, a crime is a crime, regardless of how many more gold coins I had in my stocking than my brother. I always knew you disliked him. Unfortunately I can't put him in jail. He pays his taxes every single year. No mistakes.

I know this may seem like poor timing, but I'd like to save the postage and go ahead and just send you my Christmas list together with this legal summons for evasion of tax payments. Ok. Here goes:

The 2003 mint coin set (US)
some socks
a new black skinny tie
shells for a 9mm Browning, armor piercing if possible
a cat

Well, that's about all I can think of. If you can't manage the cat, don't sweat it. I know they can get freaked out by Reindeer and sleighs and such.

On a more serious note, we will be requiring you to come on down to the IRS office in Anchorage for a deposition and possible arrest. We've scheduled this for January 5, 2004. You can come in anytime between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. Thought you might like to have a little rest before the arraignment. Please remember this show of leniency when choosing my presents this year. Merry Christmas!


Your Friend,


Billy Macintaw
Internal Revenue Service
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