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post #47
bio: tim
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1/2/2004
10:39

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'I've Got Something Brand New (for that ass)'
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To gather or collect swiftly and unceremoniously; grab

Twenty Minute Sink Update


The faucet and hoses have been connected. The lavatory is right now perched on top of the pedestal. I deeply apologize for the lack of updates during this process. There are a few tiny little inconsistencies with respect to the faucet positioning that you may be interested in. However, I must say, if I were not about to tell them to you now, you'd never even notice. It is my trained eagle eye that can spot these things. Number one is that the range of motion on the faucet handle is slightly greater than ninety degrees. I would think that it would be a perfect ninety degrees, for the sake of continuity and just plain precision of motion. But they are not. The cold faucet (right) is somehow a degree or two askew relative to the hot faucet (left, always left). This can only be noticed by looking at the sink from the profile, and in order to do that, you would have to squeeze in between the wall and the edge of the sink, holding your breath, and attempt to eyeball the faucet positioning. And knowing you like I do, I know for a fact that this is something you are just not up for, not after what happened last year at this time.

Tonight I think I will get the remaining hose pieces from the home improvement center, and maybe even drill a hole in the floor. Then it's just a few more quick adjustments, and you'll be able to actually wash your hands in the bathroom instead of in the kitchen. Unfortunately, if you wish to gaze upon your reflected image, you will still have to go into the hallway where the mirror is located. So the new order will be: bathroom (private), kitchen, hallway. If you notice a discrepancy while in the hallway, you'll need to go back to the bathroom to correct it, then again to the kitchen and then a quick double check in the hallway to make sure all is right with the world.

Once the bathroom is fully operational, including a fan and a mirror, I will be hosting a party to honor the new stylish fixtures and gleaming new lights. The party will of course be held in the bathroom, so please do not wear anything really nice. Some old jeans and a nice top perhaps. For the ladies, a cocktail dress will suffice, but do wrap yourself in some sort of a blanket. Rest assured I will be spending several hours in the bathroom on the day of the party, cleaning every square inch of the floor and walls and toilet. I will leave no stone unturned, no stray hair in place. While we will not be eating off the floor directly, I will be serving the food in the bathroom. If anyone needs to actually use the bathroom during the course of the party, I will be providing earplugs and blindfolds for each of us to wear should the need arise. Please be there at eight o'clock sharp. I'm serving shrimp cocktail in the bathtub at a quarter past.
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