1. The Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Christmas Special on ABC.
2. Malls and mini malls and the people in cars who frequent them this time of year, including myself.
4. The song, Felix Navidad.
5. The commercial bastardization and greediness of what in theory is a top notch holiday.
Top Five Things That Exonerate Christmas
1. The combined effects of the insane heat and warmly Grandmotherly smell and glow of Grandma's apartment while decorating same apartment with her 800 year old Christmas decorations, and then hearing later how all of her cronies cooed over the snowman figurine I respectfully and carefully hung non-lethally with yarn from the front bar of her walker.
2. The smell of my house being equivalent to Grandma's apartment after I sneak certain items out of storage from my aunt's basement, with help and insistence from same aunt, which items, I might add, were of mostly culinary design and of no use to the non cooking elder. Besides, she doesn't really eat that much anymore anyway.
3. A real live Christmas tree obtained from TROSA in early December and adorned with only a few strings of white lights. No colors, no popcorn, no ornaments, no angel and no Santy Clause.
4. That song about Christmas with the children and the and what have you done bit. Kills me every time.
5. The Christmas card attached to a stick and stuck in the ground of the front lawn of my neighbor's house.