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post #69
bio: tim

first post
that week

Previous Posts
'I've Got Something Brand New (for that ass)'
Watch How the Zombies Scream (it's the crack)...
'tis Spring and your Mothers Cry
Mama Sang Tenor
Not Even Close to Being on Topic
To gather or collect swiftly and unceremoniously; grab


Obtain the following goods to make chicken fajitas for 2-3:

a gas-fired grill resting on a wooden deck
grill tongs
2-3 breasts of chicken, skinless, boneless
a red pepper or a yellow pepper
a green pepper
a jalepeno pepper
a yellow onion
a package of small flour tortillas (~6-8 inches in diameter)
cheap italian dressing
olive oil
12 or 24 or 36 cans of Miller High Life, 6 per human
a sharp and perfect knife of German steel heritage and engineering, the kind which will cut your finger if just you look at it in the wrong light
1 large bowl
sour creme
hot sauce of choice (I recommend either Goya or Frank's)
wooden cutting board
domestic kitchen with adequate but conservative lighting
mates/friends/partners in crime

Start by opening a can of beer for yourself and for your cohort(s). And it has to be the High Life. If you get PBR, you'll get too burpy, and with all of the peppers and sauce, this just won't work. MHL has a nice soft aspect ratio to it, that makes the burp portion almost pleasant, expected and joyfull. If you feel the need to substitute, go ahead and put the grill on the front lawn, or use a less than perfect knife, but please, leave the beer selection to the pros.

Ok, so, take a few healthy pulls off the can, and then get out the sharp knife. Open the pack of chicken and then jam the knife down into the cutting board. Make a toast to your dining partner(s) and comment on the day.

This will all be goings on in the kitchen, the best place for socializing, by the way. The song that I am listening to is called: "Don't come too soon", with the refrain of something like Don't be late, and don't come too soon, c.1950. And when you hear the song, it is quite clear what the lady is talking about. Excellent. Right, so, then take the knife and don't touch it. Wash the chicken under cold water. Then, slice the chicken lengthwise into 1 inch wide strips. Put these into a bowl and cover with the italian dressing. Next, cut up the peppers into quarters, and get all of that crap out of the inside of them.

Make another toast, and subsequent pull from the golden can. Splash some of the beer into the chicken bowl while you're at it. Slice the onion across the ring, or grain, into thick wedges.

A note on the whole chicken/Salmonella poisoning debacle: I have been cooking chicken and cutting raw chicken on a wooden cutting board for a few years now in a rather haphazard way, and I have never ever ever gotten food poisoning. The misconception is that all chicken in the world is teeming with the nasty Salmonella bacterium, which is just a complete falsity. Be as careful as you must. Maybe wash the board off with some hot water before cutting the vegetables. If you hear the words "cross-contamination" coming from either your mouth or your guests mouths, then all of you need to collectively drink way more than you are.
Case in point, my sister-in-law says the words cross and contamination back-to-back in reference to raw meat, and by any standard, does not drink nearly enough. Good. Cut all that shit up. Soak all of it in either the dressing or in olive oil. Light the grill and let it get all hot. This would be a good time to have a smoke while waiting for the grill to warm. Or steal a cigarette from your smoking friend like I do. Hypocrite that I am. You would have to really go out of your way to fuck this up. Even if you drop the chicken onto the floor and the dog licks it clean of italian dressing, no one will notice after it has been on a hot grill for 5-10 minutes.


Take all of this out to the grill at once and throw it all on. The onion is the trouble maker here. Pay attention that all of it does not fall down into the grill fire below. Cook the chicken until it is a tan/brown color and there are some black portions on it. If you are the paranoid type who wants the chicken burned and dry, then you are an asshole who does not deserve to eat this food. There is a way to cook chicken done, while still keeping it all juicy and nice and wet on the inside. The world has enough assholes, please don't add yourself to the list. Cook the peppers until they are soft and have black spots on them. All of this will be done at about the same time, just keep it moving, the food. Maybe 10-15 minutes total. Cut up the peppers and onion post-cooking for better malleability. Backtrack to the jalepeno pepper. Take out the seeds in the middle if you want it a little milder than not.

After doing this, don't go and scratch your genitals or eyes or you will want to die. Near the end of the food cooking portion, toss the tortillas onto the grill and get them all nice and warm and such. For the presentation, slap the bread on a plate, add a tablespoon of sour cream, the proper amount of chicken and vegetables, and then hot sauce and cilantro as desired. Continue with your troubled and wonderful life as scheduled.
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