jobs I should have applied for Back in the day – I am talking 4 years ago now, I quite my job of 7.5 years. Did I have a new job, NO. Did I know what I was going to do, NO. Did I even care at that point, NO. I did however have a kick ass "retirement" party where I asked all my attendants to write a new job they thought I should pursue on a cocktail napkin. At the end of the night I collected all the jobs. In my drunken stupor I just tossed the napkins in a draw and never thought about them since. Well I must have never opened that draw because I only found those napkins today (that just sounds like I am a dirty pack rat – I am not). Anyway here is the list of jobs my friends and ex-co-workers thought I should go for:
Pinball Technician S&M Museum Guide Swingers Club Madame Pro-Golf Player Professional Irish Dancer Piercer & Home ec teacher Radio DJ / Sex Talk Show L.I.T. (Leslie in training) Major League Pitching Coach Court Room Illustrator for Judge Judy Male Prostitute Hooters or BUST Porn Star with Dwarfs Infomercial Spokesperson Dancer at Scores Phone Sex Operator Knick City Dancer Yellow School Bus Driver Fluffer Circus Geek Maintenance for Porno (Clean up Sponge Girl) Amish Strip Dancer Heath Ledger Publicist Radio Personality Belly Dancer Sandwich Maker at Subway Kiss Groupie Fish Head Cutter (in Alaska) Call Girl for the Mets Brew Master Slut Costume Designer for Call Girls Talk Show Host Nudist Colony Event Director Event Planner for Dinners Publicist for Bands One Eyed Pilot (must wear patch) Proctologist ASSistant Bee Keeper Bordello Owner Seeing Eye Person Pinball Champ Cocktail Napkin Collector
I guess I know a lot of perverts. And just for the record I only actually tried out for one of these jobs but was told to practice my characters and come back and try again (I never did). Also I was a Cocktail Napkin Collector (unknowingly) for the past 4 years – they will be in the trash tonight. Funny I find these now as I am kind of bored with my job and looking to do something different. Maybe I'll look into the publicity jobs Heath Ledger isn't doing much these days is he?