2001:May:22


My friend Hank was my downstairs neighbor for a couple of years when I lived in Newport, frittering away what was left of my twenties. I have written about him in these pages and I will not rest until I have made him a household name. One night Hank called me up, "Johnny," he said, "I need you to do me a favor. I need you to hold onto my porno tapes for awhile." I had to ask, and the short version of the story was he had some female friends staying with him the first few weeks of the summer until they found their own place. He was kind of smitten with one of them and he knew that they would rummage through his stuff when he wasn't home, who couldn't fall for that. So I agreed and went downstairs to grab the porn. He handed me a trashbag that contained a good number of videos. I was in a rush as I was on my way to work so I ran back up to the third floor, opened the front door and deposited the trashbag of tapes on the middle of the living room floor. Apparently later on that evening my roommate and his girlfriend came home and saw a bag lying in the middle of the floor, well I would have looked to. I don't think it ever crossed his mind that it might not be mine. Now pretty much my experience with porn has been watching it with a bunch of other smart asses. That said, a few nights later I was sitting around the apartment with no plans for the evening. I was lying on the couch reading and the bag was still right where I dropped it on the floor. I looked at the bag...should I? I went back to my reading. Finally I figured, why not, jumped up and got a beer from the fridge and grabbed the tape on top of the pile, figuring that was a good place to start. No sooner had things gotten off to a rollicking start when the phone rang, I pressed pause and went to answer it. It was Michelle, a lovely young woman and a dear friend. She and I had briefly dated the summer before so when she said, "Hey, what are you up to", I must admit I paused for a moment. Her timing was pitch perfect.

"Actually," I slowly began,"uh, I'm watching porn."

She laughed, "Really?" Yes, I said, really.

We chatted for a while and before we got off the phone that night she laughed and said, "I think it's hilarious that I called you up while you were watching porn."

Yeah, it was pretty funny at that.





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