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I wanted someone to see that I have a beautiful mind.
I hoped that my old patterns of displaying all my wares and all my intelligence, and all my boobs would be looked at as dross - knowing that the real meat was the naked human underneath the need.
I wanted my laughter to be sought. I wanted to be adored for my genuine smile.
I desired to wake up with "hey you" and having my body stroked over every tender inch.
I hoped my needs - my thirsty insecurity - could be understood and shoved to the side - tabled - to get at the matter at hand - dancing.
I wanted to have someone look me in the eyes and their face light up with anticipation of time in my sphere.
I desired a chance at trying trusting and talking for hours about what was wanted and what was lacking and what fears had.
I wanted mostly to be seen for who I really am even though I put so much costuming and make-up on to hide it. I wanted someone to ask me to take it all off.
I wanted a mother who delighted in how I discovered my hands with joy and chewing them and kissing me all over and telling me I'm the most wonderful little girl in the world.
I desired a father who guided me in life and who I knew would always think I was worthy of the best and most incredible love.
I wanted a sister who reveled in my success and enjoyed seeing me achieve and laughed as she spurred me on to higher ones.
I wanted a brother who was present and who cared about my pain and who wanted to beat up anyone who hurt me.
I hoped that I could grow up to be strong and powerful and lifting up other people who fell down and giving them a pecan praline.
I wanted a stepfather who could understand I was a wounded child and tell me that he would try to get past his own hurt feelings so we could be safe with each other and laugh again.
I wanted my first steps to be celebrated and talked about. I wanted to be loved for who I was and for what I thought.
I wanted someone to care what I thought. I wanted someone to dive into my mind and feel that it was like swimming in melted sparkly stars.
I wanted someone to hug me when I was scared to hold my hand when I reached out to touch my face when I cried and say "I'm here."
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