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Thank You For Calling
Thank you for calling the Cooperation Corporation. Your call is important to us.
Please choose from one of the following menu options. If you have a rotary dial phone, well then you're just plum out of luck.
For location, press. . .1. . .now.
For hours, press. . .2. . .now.
For minutes, press. . .3. . .now.
For a little bit of clarity, press. . .4. . .now.
For some peace and quiet, press. . .5. . .now.
To speak to a random employee's voice mail, press. . .6. . .now.
To call a phone that will just ring and ring, press. . .7. . .now.
To speak to a temp who will try to help you but doesn't know squat, press. . .8. . .now.
To reach the CEO, press. . .9. . .now.
To reach the president, call the White House.
To reach the operator's voice mail, press. . .0. . .now.
To send a fax, press. . .pound star pound. . .now.
To hear some nice music, press. . .star pound star. . .now.
To reach the supply closet, press. . .star. . .now.
Feel free to visit our website, but be patient. It sometimes takes a long time to download and can be a bit confusing to navigate.
To reach customer service, please be fluent in Morse Code because that is the only way they communicate now.
For account information, press. . .pound five six three two seven four star and have your account number, date of birth, mother's mother's maiden name and number of hairs on your head ready to key in.
To have absolutely nothing happen, remain on the line. Your call is important to us.