Warning: The following piece contains rage. Do not read it if you suffer from heart palpitations, high blood pressure, or dry skin. Do not read if you love little yelping dogs. Consult your doctor to find out if rage pieces are right for you.
You HAVE to have THAT spot, dontcha. You won't settle for a spot a few more yards away from the store. No, you HAAAAAVE to HAAAAAVE that fucking spot with the car that belongs to the nice old couple who are going to take for-fucking-ever to get into their car, check their mirrors and slowly pull out.
Never mind that there are five cars behind you who don't mind getting a spot a few yards away. Nooo, just as long as YOU get YOUR spot. Well you fucking Silver Accura with 2KOOL plates, I hope you. . .you. . .AUHGGGG!
And you, Black Chevy Pick-up with W bumper sticker, do you think you could pull ALLLL the way into your parking space, so your big rear end isn't right next to me out as I drive past. Do you think that would be POSSIBLE? Take it under advisement.
And you, yeah, you Bright Yellow Hummer. Where's the law that says YOU can have a space and half. Oh yeah, it hasn't been written yet. And when the space is marked COMPACT, that doesn't mean you. No! Not you, you giant macho steroid.
And hey you owners of little yelping dogs right outside my window. Do you HAVE to have a yelping dog convention at eight o'clock in the fucking morning? It's bad enough we get leaf blower guy twice a week (surely there can not be THAT many fallen leaves). Hey, yelping dog lovers, your dogs aren't that cute. Yes, I like dogs as much as the next person, but not when they yelp.
And finally, a special hello to the Toyota Tundra that used the left shoulder on the 5 to pass everyone. Dude, you are not just a moron, you are a shitface moron, and even worse, you scared me. What? 75mph too slow for you?