It has recently come to my attention through various news outlets that there are two (2) Supreme Court Justice positions open on the high court. Back in July, I sent you my resume, and now I wish to resubmit my resume for your consideration.
Yes Mr. President, I am extremely enthusiastic about the Supreme Court Justice position and believe I will be a strong asset to your justice team. Not only am I a hard working multi-tasker with both collaborative skills and the ability to work independently, I like to wear black.
Even though I have no gravel banging experience, I'm sure it is something I will master quite quickly. After all, with all my experience in the Musical Theatre industry, I will soon bang the gravel with pizzazz and a little razzle dazzle. In fact, I could even write a new opening number for each October. I'm thinking Cabaret meets Kiss Me Kate meets A Chorus Line. There could even be beautiful dancing girls, Mr. President, special lighting, and style, lots of style.
Yes, it will be a whole new era for the court---an era where judgments are written in iambic pentameter and dissents are written ottava rima. Think of it, Mr. President, all those college graduates with drama and poetry degrees will be able to get real jobs in major media outlets because they will be the only ones able to analyze the writings of the high court and speak the speech ‘trippingly on the tongue'. That quote is from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Mr. President. You can use it if you want. It's okay---Shakespeare has been dead for a long time.
Once you give all the poetry and drama majors jobs, they might not call you so many bad names. As president, you must become immune to such things. Still, it must sting sometimes. It's okay to cry, Mr. President.
Perhaps it seems, I have digressed into pop psychology, but I'm okay with that. Did I mention that I read a lot? I read all kinds of books, not just from the Oprah book club. Some of the books I read are really thick and have all sorts of ideas in them. I recently read this great book, The History of Trade Unionism by Sidney and Beatrice Webb. It covers two hundred years of Labor history in Great Britain in a most awesome way. Perhaps Tony Blair has mentioned it. Have you ever read it? I can loan you my copy if you want.
I know you are very busy with lots of different stuff. It must seem like every day, there is a whole new thing to deal with. Mr. President, I know what that's like. One day last week, I had to get my nails done, buy new shoes, and go to a private screening with an after party. There are just not enough hours in the day. I mean, with Katrina, rising gas prices, unemployment, the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, and well, the whole freakin' world breathing down your neck, where is the ‘me' time for a president?
At least you don't have to drive yourself everywhere. You should see the freeways at rush hour. Two words: Parking Lot. Totally cuts into my drinking time. I mean, my dinner time.
Anyway, I'd better wrap this up, so you can save people or do whatever it is a president does.
Bottom line: Sandra Day O'Connor was a chick. I'm a chick. Make it so, Mr. President, make it so!
PS Remember Mr. President, a Supreme Court Justice does not have to be an attorney or a judge. So why not me. After all, this is America. Anything is possible.