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post #191
bio: jen
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8/1/2006
15:50

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Extra Fancy Mixed Nuts


This weekend, a 40 ounce 2.5 pound jar of extra fancy mixed nuts entered my world. It was the result of a bimonthly trip to Cosco which also yielded two very large jars of olives, a case of Fancy Feast cat food, and various other miscellaneous items bought in bulk.

The Extra Fancy Mixed Nuts consisted of cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, pecans, and brazil nuts along with peanut oil and salt for extra fancy flavoring. The plastic jar sat innocently on the kitchen table. Since I'm a protein fiend, I had to eat one.

However, you can't just eat one extra fancy mixed nut. You might eat a cashew, but you can't neglect the almonds. And what about the pecans? They can't be left alone.

After eating 3 or 4 nuts, what harm would there be in eating 6 or 7 nuts? Okay, might as well go for an even dozen.

Then the nuts must go on the other end of the kitchen table. I have not perfected my Jedi powers yet. I can't make the nuts pop into my hand. Still, I will not reach for the jar of nuts. I will not reach for the jar of nuts.

One must have discipline when faced with the Extra Fancy Mixed Nuts. One must be able to say ‘no' to the nuts.

Later in the evening, as the hot air was cooling down, I went to the fridge for a nice cold beer. You gotta have nuts with beer. You just gotta. I lined six of them in a row on the table in front of me. I ate them slowly and methodically. They went well with the beer. I ate only six. I swear.

Two thirds of the nuts were gone as of this morning. Time is passing. How many nuts will you eat today?

In other news, pitcher Greg Maddux is coming to Dodgers. Hopefully, he will bring calm and maturity to the pitching staff. That's a good mantra. Calm and maturity. Calm and maturity.


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