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From the Wireless Wire

This just in!

Charles Hassmussen, a teenager in Meadville Pennsylvania, has taken a vow of silence. It took several days for his friends and family to realize that his not talking was not teenage depression but an actual conscious choice.

When asked to comment, Charles' mother shrugged and said ‘well, every kid oughta have a hobby, and as long as he's not killing people, it's all right by me.'

However, Charles' French teacher had a less positive reaction.

‘How am I supposed to know if he's learning French or not? He has to speak.' She said.

Charles has indicated through a complex system of hand signals translated by his little brother Leo that he has taken the French question under advisement.

Meanwhile, back at the Sunshine Jen News Network Headquarters, our new multi-million dollar anchor, Pennie Pretense, has announced that she almost blinded herself not once but twice today.

The first time was with her face soap in the shower, and the second time, some coffee splashed up and stung her eye. Even though she was using a safety sip top, the coffee still found a way.

When asked to comment on her ordeal, Pennie simply giggled and said her mind was thinking about the problems of the day.

Finally, in sports, Brian Cashman, the General Manager of the New York Yankees, is in Texas. He has stated that he is not there to meet with Roger Clemens but to support the team after a stormy April which included losing five games to the Boston Red Sox.

However, the Sunshine Jen News Network has learned Cashman's real reason for going to Texas. He wants to be a cowboy, and on a pale horse he wants to ride.

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