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Please help me decide on the name of my new artisanal products store here in Brooklyn
(5/12/2013-5/19/2013)
Tiny Shirts for Tiny Humans (60%)
High Waisters (10%)
The Pinecone Knows All (10%)
Citibank Presents "Brooklyn" (10%)
Pootland (10%)



Inventions I've not yet invented yet
(5/5/2013-5/12/2013)
Internet chat rooms (actual rooms where people chat about the internet) (43%)
The Stu Compass (tells you which direction Stu is) (29%)
Cat Roomba (small vacuum that vacuums my always shedding cat) (14%)
Slapping Bag (like a punching bag, but you slap it) (7%)
Robot that builds other robot-building robots (7%)



Facts about Hawaii
(4/28/2013-5/5/2013)
Would it be wrong to order escargot? (40%)
Hula skirts. I need to shave my legs. (30%)
These islands will eventually sink back into the ocean (10%)
Pineapples. Vodka or rum. (10%)
Very few hawaiian mountain lions (10%)



What I know about Chechens
(4/21/2013-4/28/2013)
Their pagan religion was still strong until the 19th century (but that didn't stop them from drinking all my soda) (29%)
They have been described as "a bold and dangerous people (maybe they could bring their own soda next time)" by the Russians (29%)
Chechens today have a strong sense of nation (and soda drinking) (29%)
They are always thirsty for soda (6%)
They are one of the Vainakh peoples (who like to drink my soda) (6%)



Here's the solution: Only same-sex married couples can buy guns
(4/14/2013-4/21/2013)
Yes (92%)
No (8%)



Why Kim Jong-un has targeted happyrobot world headquarters
(4/7/2013-4/14/2013)
Our handsome sister won't move to North Korea to be his mistress (53%)
Something Stu said (27%)
South Korea loves happyrobot (13%)
Our monkeys threw something at him (7%)



Ah, Spring. The season where my thoughts turn to...
(3/31/2013-4/7/2013)
Sexy times (while trying to find my rain boots) (44%)
Sexy times (while thinking about your handsome sister) (22%)
Sexy times (while wearing woolen sweaters) (17%)
Sexy times (while taking decongestants) (17%)



Why religious fundamentalists are against same-sex marriage
(3/24/2013-3/31/2013)
Wedding receptions that go longer than 45 minutes are an amboniation (50%)
Hate buying wedding gifts (20%)
Troubled by the impact it will have on the bride & groom cake topper industry (20%)
Always gets drunk and cries at weddings (10%)



My favorite speaker at the recent Conservative Political Action Conference
(3/17/2013-3/24/2013)
Bigoted Fat Man With Contradictory Views (33%)
Paranoid White Man With Pie Chart (28%)
Hysterical White Woman Desperate For Television Contract (22%)
Creepy White Man Who Stares Too Long With Hairpiece (17%)



The reality show pitch I just made to the network
(3/10/2013-3/17/2013)
Celebrity Pope (29%)
Celebrity Filibuster (29%)
America's next mass shooter (29%)
Who's the next American Drone Strike (14%)



No Pope!
(3/3/2013-3/10/2013)
Time to get sinful (75%)
Now we can all wear red slippers (12%)
Dogs and cats living together (12%)



I'll be dimming the lights in the main cabin
(2/24/2013-3/3/2013)
Things are about to get upright and locked (31%)
The local time is time to get busy (31%)
Our refreshments on this flight include "awwww yea" and "c'mon gurl" (25%)
There's no smoking allowed on this flight - except for smokin' ladies (12%)



Why I'll miss Saturday mail delivery
(2/17/2013-2/24/2013)
My bulk mail collection will suffer (57%)
The friendly chat with my mail carrier (14%)
I love information about the new deals at Rent-a-Center (14%)
I will miss the mangled mail (14%)



The Pope is retiring to
(2/10/2013-2/17/2013)
Spend more time with his family (50%)
Concentrate on his job as assistant manager at Hobby Lobby (33%)
Work on his custom shoe company that produces shiny red slippers for men (8%)
Teach a community college class on iPhone photography (8%)



Places that won't let me carry my un-concealed gun on their premises anymore
(2/3/2013-2/10/2013)
The Fireworks and Large Gas Tank Store (44%)
The National Hoplophobia Headquarters (33%)
Bang-Bang's Steak & Fish Camp (11%)
Steve's house (11%)



Plans for the upcoming birthday of the award winning website happyrobot
(1/27/2013-2/3/2013)
Taking it to the limit (46%)
Taking it private (31%)
Taking it public (15%)
Updating our privacy policy (8%)



Things I like about Joe Biden
(1/20/2013-1/27/2013)
He once won a dance contest in order to save a community center (50%)
He makes a good turkey sandwich (20%)
He doesn't mind me poking him on Facebook all the time (20%)
He once won an arm wrestling contest (10%)



The working of title of the new happyrobot "E-Book"
(1/13/2013-1/20/2013)
Hold Tight Monkey to this Book (77%)
Haps Robots? (8%)
Robot Shades of Robot (8%)
Words to inspire youths (8%)



January arrives and a young man's thoughts turn to
(1/6/2013-1/13/2013)
chapped lips (43%)
brandy (29%)
sniffles (14%)
wool (14%)



My New Years Resolution for 2013
(12/30/2012-1/6/2013)
Finish writing that manifesto (56%)
Finally check out Brooklyn (22%)
Try to wear baggier pants (11%)
Stop following Stu everywhere (11%)




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