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The Twitter hashtag to describe my summer
(8/29/2010-9/5/2010)
#SellingMyGoldForHonor (45%)
#Rash (27%)
#ProtestingMuslins (18%)
#Asstastic (9%)



We have to take back America from:
(8/22/2010-8/29/2010)
Gary (60%)
the other half of the country who we don't agree with (17%)
those godless [insert name of religion that is not your own] (13%)
those filthy [insert name of minority group] (10%)



They are building a mosque near Ground Zero? Big deal. You should be more worried about this new building:
(8/15/2010-8/22/2010)
The Juggalo Heritage Foundation (44%)
Frank's Shoppe of Dangerous Snakes Kept in Flimsy Boxes (22%)
Wholesale Magnets LLC. (19%)
Faygo Towne (15%)



Often overlooked passage in the Old Testament
(8/8/2010-8/15/2010)
The one about mayonnaise (38%)
The one about not mixing ketchup and mustard (31%)
The one about when to use catsup or ketchup (31%)



When I was a youngster, August meant
(8/1/2010-8/8/2010)
better hurry up and make out with a girl (38%)
second quarter business reviews were out of the way (38%)
need to finish up my summer bucket list (19%)
time to buy slacks (6%)



It was 98 degrees, but with the heat index it felt
(7/25/2010-8/1/2010)
melty (33%)
rashy (29%)
burny (19%)
blistery (19%)



Favorite person I saw on cruise ship
(7/18/2010-7/25/2010)
Girl who looked like Michael Cera (50%)
Constantly grimacing wheelchair woman (21%)
Huge always wearing overalls guy (14%)
Creepy Black Francis looking teen (14%)



West Coast or East Coast?
(7/11/2010-7/18/2010)
East Coast (42%)
West Coast (33%)
Crazy Gulf Coast (25%)



The Best Country in the World?
(7/4/2010-7/11/2010)
Los Estados Unidos de America (75%)
America (19%)
USA (6%)



My favorite World Cup match so far
(6/27/2010-7/4/2010)
Draculas vs Mild-Mannered Werewolves (38%)
Tiny Crabs vs Tiny Fish (25%)
Walruses vs Buckets (19%)
Robots vs Magnets (19%)



Ouch! That crab just
(6/20/2010-6/27/2010)
gave me the crabby stink eye (55%)
messed up my game (25%)
flipped me some sort of obscene crab gesture (15%)
pinched my tiny toe (5%)



The immigration issue would be solved if
(6/13/2010-6/20/2010)
immigrants were super sexy (33%)
immigrants had super powers (33%)
immigrants spoke in a more jaunty manner (20%)
immigrants stopped stealing our jobs and women (13%)



The top item on my bucket list
(6/6/2010-6/13/2010)
Tiny novelty bucket to hold spare nails and screws (43%)
Green mop bucket (21%)
Bucket to store cleaning brushes (21%)
New bucket to hold fish (14%)



Term I heard in reference to the oil disaster and/or sexual act
(5/30/2010-6/6/2010)
Tar balls (43%)
Skimming (21%)
Sticking golf balls in it (21%)
Top kill (14%)



My Favorite Beach on the Gulf Coast
(5/23/2010-5/30/2010)
Sad Pelican Beach (57%)
Boca Tar Balls Beach (21%)
BP's Magical Funtime Beach (14%)
Oily Seaside Beach (7%)



Reasons why immigrants come to our country
(5/16/2010-5/23/2010)
Tramp stamps (38%)
Our over-sized sodas (28%)
Thetan free churches (17%)
World class TV dramas (17%)



Drill Baby Drill!
(5/9/2010-5/16/2010)
Invest more in hydrogen fuel cell technology! Invest! (29%)
Enjoy your oily marshland! Enjoy! (29%)
Clean that bird! Clean! (24%)
Drive your inefficient fuel car! Drive! (19%)



Little noted footnote: Other conditions for being stopped in Arizona
(5/2/2010-5/9/2010)
White people can be stopped by Native American cops (33%)
Riding a stunt bike in an awesome manner (27%)
Driving with a car load of goats (27%)
Obviously being on a coming-of-age road trip (13%)



Why I was arrested in Arizona
(4/25/2010-5/2/2010)
I taking a photo of a taco (42%)
I stole some goats (26%)
I talking about the taco I just ate (21%)
I was eating a taco (11%)



When Fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying
(4/18/2010-4/25/2010)
a badly spelled protest sign (33%)
extra weight (33%)
a television (19%)
a handy device that was seen on TV (15%)



The last five words of what I just tweeted
(4/11/2010-4/18/2010)
Ouch. It really does burn. (47%)
I am not Drunk Hulk. (32%)
Devil. Devil. Devil. Devil. Devil. (16%)
You need to apologize now. (5%)



What is blooming?
(4/4/2010-4/11/2010)
The nasal spray tree (62%)
The Claritin bush (25%)
The Sudafed flower (12%)



Most popular cocktail served at our weekly Death Panel meeting
(3/28/2010-4/4/2010)
Same Sex on the Beach (79%)
Old Fashioned (11%)
The Babe Killer (5%)
French 75 (5%)



Favorite Tea Party sign I saw
(3/21/2010-3/28/2010)
"I don't like those baggy pants" (41%)
"Nothing good ever came of change" (24%)
"I'm intolerant and I vote" (24%)
"I'm scared of things" (12%)



Who is taking over America
(3/14/2010-3/21/2010)
Nazi Communist Socialites (38%)
Socialist Wolves (25%)
That Franklin Guy (25%)
Communist Nazi Abstractionists (12%)



Oscar won by "happyrobot: the movie"
(3/7/2010-3/14/2010)
Best Portrayal of Stu in a movie based on a website (50%)
Best Supporting Goat (19%)
Best Internet Page Screenplay (19%)
Best Delicious Sandwich (12%)



Conspiracy theories I find totally plausible told to me by my Tea Party friend
(2/28/2010-3/7/2010)
When the government declares martial law, it will only apply to Stu (33%)
Something about Mormons (28%)
Immigrants can really speak English, but choose to speak their native tongue to undermine my family (22%)
The government has put tiny cameras in our cheese (17%)



I just won a gold medal in
(2/21/2010-2/28/2010)
Winter Depression (37%)
Snow Pants Wearing (21%)
Snarky Olympics Commenting (16%)
Polar Bear Rodeo (16%)
Sidewalk Snow Shoveling (11%)



With the symptoms you described, I believe you are suffering from
(2/14/2010-2/21/2010)
Babesiosis (62%)
Arctic bearded seal poisoning (23%)
American mountain fever (15%)
Australian Sea Lion poisoning (0%)



Now that I am old, I look forward to
(2/7/2010-2/14/2010)
Increased poking (35%)
Complaining about teens (30%)
Earlier dinner (22%)
Things flaring up (13%)



happyrobot is 11?!
(1/31/2010-2/7/2010)
happyrobot has fur where there was no fur before (44%)
happyrobot's voice is changing (28%)
In internet years, happyrobot is 88 (16%)
The pension plan should kick in soon (12%)



It was at that moment that I knew...
(1/24/2010-1/31/2010)
the bears got Stu (38%)
the bears were three sheets to the wind (29%)
the bears were producing a play about bears trying to make it on Broadway (25%)
the bears got an upgrade to business class (8%)



I sold my soul to the devil for
(1/17/2010-1/24/2010)
One sexy night with you (61%)
A new Zune (14%)
Tube socks (14%)
An extension on my New Yorker subscription (11%)



My favorite novelty subway ride
(1/10/2010-1/17/2010)
No Pants With Writing On The Butt Subway Ride (33%)
No Cursing At Your Child Subway Ride (28%)
No Stained Sweatpants Subway Ride (22%)
No Stink Eye Subway Ride (17%)



Favorite aspect of January
(1/3/2010-1/10/2010)
The lawsuit-friendly icy sidewalks (35%)
The warm howling wind (24%)
The sunny snow storm (24%)
The roving packs of hungry wolves (18%)




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