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this new years eve, i plan on drinking until
(12/30/2001-1/6/2002)
i get my groove on (52%)
we cross the state line (42%)
thursday (6%)



gee, thanks. this sweater is
(12/23/2001-12/30/2001)
real scratchy (60%)
real nice (25%)
real warm (15%)



they let me play in their reindeer games
(12/16/2001-12/23/2001)
no (95%)
yes (5%)



happy...
(12/9/2001-12/16/2001)
harmonica (73%)
christian shopping season (27%)



the problem with these terrorists is
(12/2/2001-12/9/2001)
the explodie stuff (52%)
the hating stuff (48%)
the scaring stuff (0%)



the most dangerous snake in the world
(11/25/2001-12/2/2001)
the sneaky kind (60%)
the velcro viper (20%)
the cheese constrictor (20%)



osama bin laden left afghanistan and is now
(11/18/2001-11/25/2001)
looking for a studio apt, professional male, no pets, quiet, around 2100$ a month (70%)
where ever dick cheney is (15%)
passed out on 9th avenue (15%)



anyone seen vice president dick cheney?
(11/11/2001-11/18/2001)
we're not really speaking anymore, after that whole thing at that party (63%)
i saw him yesterday at the store buying cat food (26%)
yea, he's in the bathroom (11%)



funnier word
(11/4/2001-11/11/2001)
scrod (44%)
panties (32%)
vibraphone (24%)



it's not you, it's
(10/28/2001-11/4/2001)
that i am on fire (56%)
your prickly spines (22%)
not me either (17%)
your mom sleeping in the other room (6%)



what the world needs now is
(10/21/2001-10/28/2001)
for everybody to wang chung tonight (41%)
to shut their mouth (35%)
a new starter and possibly brakes (24%)



avoid anthrax poisoning by
(10/14/2001-10/21/2001)
not putting post office employees in your mouth (50%)
substituting baking soda for anthrax when you are cooking (28%)
not touching stuff (22%)



people running for public office tend to be
(10/7/2001-10/14/2001)
wankers (43%)
jerks (30%)
cocky bastards (26%)



my new sports bar might be named
(9/30/2001-10/7/2001)
Date McRapey's (40%)
Plaidy McChino's (33%)
Awesome McTecho's (27%)



america, land of the free and home of the
(9/23/2001-9/30/2001)
vomit on the sidewalk (46%)
slomin shield (31%)
marijuana eating cat (23%)



i don't even know
(9/16/2001-9/23/2001)
what to do (53%)
where to hide (33%)
who to hate (13%)



common misconception americans have about canada
(9/9/2001-9/16/2001)
canada is cute and cuddly (43%)
canada is secretly training sharks to attack us (43%)
canada will flame up if exposed to heat (14%)



if i was a world leader, i'd be a
(9/2/2001-9/9/2001)
big boot wearing ball kicker (50%)
bloodthirsty evil genius (45%)
iron fisted back breaker (5%)



the last fist fight i had
(8/26/2001-9/2/2001)
i won (45%)
it was a tie (32%)
i lost (23%)



mommy, it
(8/19/2001-8/26/2001)
tastes like crap (62%)
burns (24%)
hurts my bottom (14%)



my imaginary friend is
(8/12/2001-8/19/2001)
not returning my calls (59%)
right now, soaking wet (21%)
drunk on plum wine (21%)



girls describe john lawton as
(8/5/2001-8/12/2001)
hepped up on goofballs (54%)
the boy with the beautiful hands (31%)
a catch (15%)



the worse thing a bum called me this past week (all true)
(7/29/2001-8/5/2001)
faggot ass faggot (59%)
cheap ass bastard (36%)
fucking bastard (5%)



the cooler drug addict
(7/22/2001-7/29/2001)
sweaty hollywood pain killer swallower (39%)
whacked out heroin freak (33%)
punchy crack hound (28%)



i have thrown up in a cab
(7/15/2001-7/22/2001)
no (58%)
yes (26%)
maybe (16%)



i would describe raquel as
(7/8/2001-7/15/2001)
99% girl. 1% plutonium (48%)
on fire (metaphorically) (36%)
the girl that packs a whallop (16%)



Adina's camera is destroyed because
(7/1/2001-7/8/2001)
3 monkeys with hammers got it (57%)
she poured feta cheese juice on it (39%)
a horse ate it (4%)



best name of a rock band that may or may not exist in charlotte, nc
(6/24/2001-7/1/2001)
federal bureau of rock and roll (52%)
Frankenstein Drag Queens from Planet 13 (29%)
BJ McRockers (19%)



the most fun taiwai had in japan was
(6/17/2001-6/24/2001)
ramen museum in yokohama (59%)
going to a hot spring somewhere near kyoto (27%)
eating fugu (14%)
shopping at muji (0%)



homeless guys
(6/10/2001-6/17/2001)
don't give 'em change (68%)
give 'em change (32%)



that pain you feel right now is coming from
(6/3/2001-6/10/2001)
that hammer wielding monkey (57%)
guilt (39%)
food poisoning (4%)



i'd rather be
(5/27/2001-6/3/2001)
kissing boys -and/or- girls (52%)
asleep (35%)
playing with puppies (13%)



the best dance move john lawton has created (or should create) is
(5/20/2001-5/27/2001)
the joy from supporting his local public radio station (41%)
the grocery cart (29%)
the sharp pain in the kidneys (29%)



my favorite
(5/13/2001-5/20/2001)
boo berry (35%)
franken berry (35%)
count chocula (29%)



best reason not to get out of bed today
(5/6/2001-5/13/2001)
you are tied to the bed frame (55%)
subways full of radioactive zombies (32%)
painful corns on feet (14%)



the best question ronald asked me before being laid off
(4/29/2001-5/6/2001)
were there girls at your college? (56%)
how many times a day do you brush your teeth? (28%)
do you drink a lot? (17%)



pants :
(4/22/2001-4/29/2001)
don't fail me now! (61%)
flame on! (22%)
built pants tough. (17%)



the one thing i know for sure is
(4/15/2001-4/22/2001)
that is not mine, officer (64%)
i have never done that (18%)
i shoulda laid off the bourbon (18%)



I wish i was
(4/8/2001-4/15/2001)
the owner of a monkey infested jungle tree house (35%)
a sneaky hit man (29%)
not so drunk (29%)
a handsome sports figure (6%)



3 out of 5 dentists recommend
(4/1/2001-4/8/2001)
you shut up (42%)
you stop picking at it (33%)
the steak here (25%)



Iím allergic to
(3/25/2001-4/1/2001)
happiness (37%)
pain (31%)
muffins (31%)



My worst Nightmare involving Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
(3/18/2001-3/25/2001)
Grilled Cheese Sandwich instead of parachute handed to me as plane plummets to ground (60%)
Grilled Cheese Sandwich made by Ernest Borgnine and served on his bus (23%)
Grilled Cheese Sandwich with capers and cole slaw (17%)



today, my pants will be
(2/25/2001-3/4/2001)
fancy (50%)
shiny (40%)
itchy (10%)



Men. They sure do love their
(1/23/2001-1/30/2001)
Slacks (76%)
Boobie huntin' (20%)
Parents (4%)




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